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Monthly Big Meetups: Building a Stronger Mentoring Community

August 6, 2024, Katie Huynh

Every month, Bigs from across the greater Twin Cities come together at our Big Meetups for mutual support and guidance on their youth mentoring journeys. Facilitated by staff at our office in North Minneapolis, these monthly meetups provide a welcoming and safe space for Bigs to discuss new topics, learn from each other’s mentoring experiences, and build a stronger community of Bigs doing BIG things to amplify youth power and potential.

If you couldn’t attend, don’t worry! Here are the key takeaways and insights from each month’s discussion. Be sure to also save our Big Meetup calendar for future session dates and topics!

September 2024 Topic: Match Relationships Through Transition

Overview: We discussed transitions our Littles are experiencing like new school, moving, first jobs, ect. We broke up into groups of High School matches and Middle School and younger matches. 

Key takeaways:

• Littles are often getting their first phone while they are matched with their Big. It is important for Bigs to check in with Littles about who they are talking to, what they are viewing and discussing Internet Safety. During this time, Littles may also want to become more involved in planning their events and talking with their Big. To keep their caregiver involved/informed it can be helpful to start a group chat with everyone. 
• As Littles grow it is important to keep them as an active participant in their match and help them build more independence. Bigs can help them be more involved by reflecting on their activities together. 
• In Middle and High School Littles are developing critical thinking and are more able to predict the outcomes of their actions. It is not always our place as Bigs to tell them what is right or wrong, but you can help them walk through their choices together.
• Littles have all lived through a huge transition with the Covid-19 pandemic impacting their education and lives. Nationally our youth are not making the same benchmarks that we have seen in previous generations, and we do not currently have the infrastructure to catch every child up academically. Due to this, many youth are struggling with reading and match. This is not an individual challenge it is a systemic challenge. 
  • As a Big, you are concerned with this, however it is not your role to be their tutor. You can incorporate more learning into your hangouts in creative ways like using math with money on outings and counting points for games. Bigs can start book clubs with Littles to engage them in reading. Your role is to be a safe and fun place to come, so be careful of leaning to far into other roles. Any homework help should only remain a small part of your relationship with 90% of activities not involving homework. 

Reflections:

• What transitions am I noticing in my Little’s life or personality? 
• Have I experienced similar situations? What was helpful for me? 
• What is my role as a mentor?

Considerations for next step:

• Check out the resources that were suggested: 
  • Bucket List of ideas in different categories to broaden Little’s interests
  • BBBS activity ideas checklist 
  • BBBS Teen Hangouts and other supported events 
  • Facebook events
  • Not Really Stranger Game- Kids edition. 
  • Talking with your Littles caregiver or your Match Support Coordinator
• Littles are still building their sense of self and Bigs can play a huge role in building positive self image and confidence. 
  • Bigs may try the What Makes You, You activity by making one for each other, adding positive things they feel about Little. 
  • Bigs should be specific when offering a compliment to Little. 
• Finding Third Spaces (not home or work/school) to hold activities at, is hard. 
  • During any Match Hangout, matches are welcome to use our functioning kitchen, or bring any other projects/activities that they would like to. 
  • Gamezenter in Roseville was highly suggested 
  • Boba and Coffee shops
  • Reserve a library room 
• Help your Little prioritize and schedule. 

July 2024 Topic: Navigating Cross-Cultural Mentoring Relationships

Overview: We dove into our own cultures as the “water in which we swim” where we reflected on our own values and beliefs, and how we carry these into our match.

Key Takeaways: 

• The culture we grew up in informs the way we see the world and unless we are aware that it is our own, we may come into conflicts when others “swim in different water”.
• If we think of culture as an iceberg, there are things above the water that we can visibly notice like clothes, foods we like, and music tastes. Then, there are more in-depth things below the surface like our beliefs and assumptions, that inform who we are and what we see in the world.
• We each have our own unique blend of values and ethics that make us who we are and drive our actions.

Reflections:

• What does culture mean to you?
• If we define culture as “the water in which we swim”, how would you describe the water you were raised in?
• Reflect on a time when you experienced a different culture.
• Reflect on your own iceberg using this link above to guide you. What things above and below the surface make you who you are?
• Try this exercise and select 5 values of your own. How were these values taught by your cultural water? How do these values show up in your match, and what values you, your Little, and their family may share.

Considerations for next steps:

• Instead of imposing judgment on your Little’s beliefs or values and trying to change them, perhaps ask why they feel that way.
• How can you initiate these conversations with your Little?

June 2024 Topic: Supporting LGBTQIA+ Youth and Families 

Key Takeaways: 

• Maintaining boundaries as you discuss personal subjects can be important. Having an established relationship prior to providing advice is helpful.
• Even if you are matched with a child who hasn’t expressed an LGBTQ+ identity, you don’t know how they will identify later on so building trust and establishing these topics as safe within your relationship pays dividends later on. 
• While parents and caregivers are supportive, Little’s might not want to talk about their feelings with them. 
• At first in match relationships it can take a bit to build rapport, but once that comes, it can come all at once. Relationship development and child developmental stages both play into this.

Reflections: 

• Consider your rapport with your Little’s parents or caregivers to determine what level you need to or should share things you and your Little discuss. 

Considerations for next steps: 

• Try some conversation ideas/starters to learn more about your Little’s background – walk each other through your family trees.

May 2024 Topic: Open discussion for topics, sharing and questions

Key Takeaways: 

• It can take a while for your Little to warm up to you. Take time getting to know each other by sharing your common interests and activities. This will help you build the foundation for a lasting relationship. 
• As a Big, you can help your Little make smart choices. If you are making choices that support a healthier lifestyle, you can model those for your Little to give other options about how to live their lives. 
  • Example: If your Little has no bedtime and spends hours on social media, you can choose to go to sleep early and limit media consumption for your own mental health. Share that approach as an option without telling your Little how to live their life.
• It’s important to recognize that phones and social media are a way of life right now.
• If you notice your Little has some concerning behaviors, don’t be afraid to talk with their parent or caregiver. Be sure to use an “are you aware” manner with your Little’s permission.

Reflections: 

• As a new match, what are the ways you can connect with your little?
• Be sure to pay attention to your Little’s needs when you hang out; do they want to do an activity? Maybe they want to do something a little less active. Be sure to check in with your Little and be okay with changing plans if needed.
• There are positives to social media as well including finding community if you live in a more isolated area.

Considerations for next steps: 

• The next time you hang out with your Little, lead the conversation with small talk questions so you can get to know them. 
• Sign up for a monthly Match Hangouts!
• Make a list with your Little about the positive ways they can use social media. \

April 2024 Topic: Youth Developmental Stages

Overview: Bigs shared their own experiences with adults and programs from childhood and how those impacted them.

Positive experiences included themes of: Connection, safety, support, skill building, empowerment.
Less positive experiences included themes of: High or unrealistic expectations, not recognizing effort, feeling unseen and alone. 

Key Takeaways:

• As mentors, Bigs have the opportunity to help young people see beyond where they are, while finding the strengths of their environment and situation. 
• Consistency over time is the most important thing – Bigs don’t need to have all the answers 
• One of the best things Bigs can do is build a sense of belonging with a young person. 
• Safe adults are adults that (among other things!) – share praise, introduce new skills or activities, encourage and empower young people to be themselves, and have fun
• Kids notice when adults talk with frustration – they’re great at intuitively understanding whether you “want to be there”.
• Trauma and neurodiversity can impact a normative development, so meeting the kid “where they’re at” and with no judgment is so important.

Reflections:

• Review the Feelings wheel – you can help young people understand the words available to them to describe their feelings, emotions, and experience so they feel empowered to speak their mind
• Watch this helpful video to hear youth share their experiences of positive connection.
• Review the Weikart pyramid to help you be intentional about time spent with your Little.

Considerations for next steps:

• What are the ways you can create a sense of belonging for a young person?  
• The next time you hang out with a young person, be present! Put your phone away and stay in the moment. 

March 2024 Topic: Navigating relationships with Littles’ caregivers

Overview: When navigating relationships with your Little and their caregivers, a Big’s primary goal is their Little’s safety followed by building their relationship and maintaining Little’s trust.

When a Big questions if they should share something concerning about their Little with their caregiver, if it concerns Little’s safety then absolutely yes. However, if it does not concern Little’s safety but sharing this info would compromise their relationship and/or trust with their Little, they should discuss with their Match Engagement Coordinator (MEC).

Key Takeaways:

1. Sharing your budget with your Little’s caregivers before going out together makes it easier to set expectations of costs and division.
2. A strong relationship leads to a successful match! Many strong matches requires the involvement of the Little’s family or caregiver
3. It’s important to acknowledge that your Littles’ families lead busy lives and plans may get canceled or changed last-minute. Finding ways to check in beforehand can help avoid confusion. 
4. Addressing conflict with your Little’s parent or caregiver before it becomes resentment helps keep the relationship healthy. 
5. Bigs are a unique relationship for their Littles. They’re not parents, siblings, teachers, or peers.

Reflections:

• Rely on BBBS policy of keeping match outings under $30 to help with budget
• A Match Engagement Coordinator is there to support, coach, and advise conversations but conflict resolution needs to happen directly between Big and caregiver.
• Bigs are not there to prescribe their own beliefs, ways, or opinions onto Littles and their families.

Considerations for next steps:

• Get to know your Little’s caregiver by hanging out with them one-on-one; invite them to coffee or go for a walk earlier in the match to better them and their expectations of the program.
• To make planning easier, send a text the day before and day-of to confirm plans, create a group chat with the family or share a google calendar invite.
• Take opportunities to connect with people in Little’s life by showing up during important life events (e.g. Little’s birthday, sports games, graduation)

Stay tuned for more updates, and we look forward to seeing you at our next Big Meetup!

Inspired by what you read? We’re always seeking adults who can volunteer as great mentors for Twin Cities youth! Get started by learning more about our mentoring programs and signing up on our volunteer page.